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The Insecurity Line Starts Here –>

October 8, 2010

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Beautiful Street Punk

Image by jesse.millan via Flickr

 My insecurity started out when I was a teenager. I wasn’t part of the “in” group, but I guess you could say that I was a free spirit. So how come I was so insecure even though I made friends easily? And how do you get past it so you can be all that you’re meant to be in life? It all comes down to what you feel inside.

Everything I did when I was a teenager revolved around trying to become popular, or what I considered to be popular. I was smart, pretty, athletic, active in the community and had lots of friends, everything that a girl could want in life. But even though I had lots of friends, I never thought I fit in anywhere. I was really a rebel…I wore crazy clothes, dyed my hair wacky colors, and I was always protesting something. I didn’t care what other people thought of me, or so I told myself. Now that I look back, I wanted to people to notice me, but I think I was afraid to let them see the real me. Part of me wanted to find my own style, because I didn’t want to be just another face in the crowd. But in the end, it all came down to a lack of self-esteem. So why was I so insecure, even though my mom taught me everything I needed to be a strong, confident person? I’m still trying to figure that out 25 years later.

When I hit my 20’s and started working in corporate America, I toned it down a bit. I heard it everywhere, “you need to conform to the status quo”. So gradually, I did. It didn’t happen all at once, it happened over a period of years. From working as a computer programmer which was primarily a men’s industry, to having kids and dealing with other moms at PTA meetings, I conformed. And I’ve recently realized that it was from a lack of self-esteem too.

Why should I have to look like every other mom to be accepted? Why should I have to dress a certain way, or look a certain way, or act a certain way? Something changed inside me in 2009. I now realize that what makes you happy comes from inside of you, and not what happens around you. Only YOU have the power to make you happy. Even though outside influences can affect you, YOU can decide HOW they actually influence you. You can choose not to listen to negative things, and you can choose not to be around negative people. You should strive to feed yourself positive thoughts and ideas.

So after all these years, I’ve finally come full circle. Even though my style might not be as crazy as it was when I was in high school, I don’t feel the need to conform or to follow the trends. I dress the way I want to because I’m a confident women. I wear my hair however I want, and do my makeup the way I like it. I’m confident enough to stand up and speak my mind in front of large groups of people, and still be sensitive to other people’s feelings. Like the Helen Reddy song: I am woman…hear me roar. I can face anything, I am strong, I am invincible…I am woman!

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